The GraceLife Pulpit

WhatisaWoman?TheMarksofBiblicalWomanhood,Part1

Genesis2:18–23andSelectedScriptures

Introduction

Well, along time ago, in whatseems like agalaxy far, far away, I began asermon series entitled ConfrontingtheCulture,inwhich,Ihave taken aimatequippingyou,asthepeopleof God,tobe salt and light in the midst of the decay and darkness of this dying culture—so that you will (a) withstand the attacks of a vehement secularism that demands you surrender your Christian worldview, and so that you will (b) confront the lies of that culture with the truth.

And that series began by vindicating the concept of truth against the culture’s lie that there is no such thing as truth. Soon after, weturned to theBible’s teaching on the identity of man, because no category of Christian theology is more under attack by our present culture than the biblical doctrineof man.Andtounderstandthefundamentalnatureand identityofman,wewentback to the beginning—to Genesis chapter 1—and learned that, most fundamentally, man is a creature, that man is an image-bearer, and that man is gendered. “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

And from there, we confronted the Satanic deception of the transgender movement— demonstrating that though men and women are alike in their humanity—unified as equal image- bearers of Almighty God, yet they are distinct in their gender—complementing one another as a harmony of praise to the God who created them. And on the basis of that distinction, we found that men and women honor the glory and beauty of God’s good design by presenting ourphysical appearance in accordance with the distinctiveness of our biological sex. And that led to the following conclusion: Men ought to carry themselves in a masculine way and not an effeminate way. Women ought to carry themselves in a feminine way and not a masculine way. Andso,notonlydoesthatruleouttransgenderism, italsomeansthatmenglorify Godwhenthey look and speak and behavelikemen, and thatwomen glorify God when they look and speak and behave like women.

But then we asked: What does it mean, according to Scripture, to behave like a man, or like a woman? Aside from the obvious biological differences, what does it mean to be a biblical man and not a woman? What does it mean to be a biblical woman and not a man (Piper, WTD, 17)? And that launched us into a study of biblical manhood and womanhood. If there is glory in our distinctiveness—if God’s pre-fall, before-the-curse, very-good design of male and female differentiation is not just true, but beautiful—then it’s fitting for us to devote ourselves to understandingthebeautyofthosedistinctions, preeminentlysowecanorderour livesaccording to the Bible’s prescriptions, and thereby bring honor and glory to God.

I’vesaidit acoupleoftimes,butit’slikean orchestra.It’sonething tohearskilled musiciansall play in unison. But there is a higher strain of beauty that you behold in music when each musician plays distinct notes which nevertheless harmonize perfectly with one another. As men andwomenwhofollow Christ,weneedtolearntoplayourparts,sothatweharmonizeinaway that brings glory and honor to the beauty of God’s design.

And before our Sundays in July break, we had three sermons exploring nine marks of biblical manhood.AndIwon’treviewthosehere, excepttostate them. Wefoundthatthebiblical manis a leader, a lover, a provider, and a protector. He is strong, sensible, dignified, sound in doctrine, and sound in speech. Today, we begin a series on nine marks of biblical womanhood.

And before I jump right in, I want to say—as I did when we began with biblical manhood—that thesemarks of biblical womanhood relatemostoften to how awiferelates to her husband. But thatdoesn’t mean thatyou arelessofawoman ifyou’renotmarried.Beingsingleputsyouatno disadvantage to living out the calling of your womanhood, no more than Jesus’ singleness put Him at a disadvantage to living out the calling of His manhood. There are biblical, appropriate expressions of femininity from single women even toward the men in your life who are not your husband. And I’ll seek to make application along those lines as we go.

ButIalsowanttoreiterate that marriageisthenorm formankind.Assoonaswehear,“maleand female” in Genesis 1:27, we hear about being fruitful and multiplying in Genesis 1:28. As soon as we see that woman is man’s suitable helper in Genesis 2:22–23, we hear about the two becomingonefleshin Genesis 2:24. Andso,marriageis thenorm.Andbecauseofthat, muchof Scripture’s teaching on masculinity and femininity speaks to how we conduct ourselves in the marriage relationship, or how we are to prepare ourselves for that relationship. And that means: much application will have to do with marriage.

And so, ladies, these ninemarks describewhatyou oughtto aspire to beas awoman seeking to livebiblically.Singleguys:thisisthekindofwomanyououghttodesire topursueformarriage. Married guys: this is not a sermon to beat your wife over the head for the ways she doesn’t measureup.It’s asermonthatwillrevealhow youcanprayforher,andwashherwith thewater of theWord, and labor for her growth, as you work with her to see thatyou both becomeallthat God is calling you to be.

I. AHelper

Well,withallthatsaid,let’scome toour firstmark ofbiblicalwomanhood.Andthatis,number one: a biblical woman is a helper. She is a helper. And we find this in Genesis 2, at the very

inceptionofthewoman’screation.AfterGodhascreatedtheman,afterHehasplacedhiminthe

gardentocultivateandkeepit, afterHehasgiven manHislawprohibitinghimfromeatingfrom thetreeof theknowledgeof good and evil, “Then,” Genesis 2:18 says, “Yahweh God said, ‘Itis not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.’”

That’s the first time in the creation narrative that God has said something is not good. All throughoutchapter one, wehavetherefrain “And God saw thatitwas good, and God saw thatit wasgood.”Intochaptertwo,everytreeis“goodfor food”(v.9);“thegoldof[the] landisgood” (v. 12). But all of a sudden, verse 18 arrests you with the declaration that there is something about the Paradise of Eden that is not good! It is not good that the man has no helper. And so God brings every animal, one by one, to the man so he’ll name them. But of all these other

creatures, verse 20 says, “for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him”—no one correspondingtohimashisequalandcounterpart. Butthen,heputsthemantosleep,takesarib from his side, and makes the helper suitable for Adam: the woman.

Idon’tknowifthere’sagreaterhonor that canbebestoweduponwomenthantorealize that God Himself declared that His own perfect created Paradise was not good until she was created to complement the man. Women are not unimportant! Women are not second-class or inferior!

Women are so essential that Paradise itself is in a sense incomplete without her! Man is incomplete without her! He needs someone to be a helper suitable for him in the way no other creaturewas—someonewhowillbringuniquegifts,andtalents,andstrengthstothehumanrace that will enable mankind to glorify their God in obedience to His commands.

Dearfriends,don’tmiss this. God’s designin creatingthewomanis thatshewouldbe a helper, suitable for the man to carry out the divine mandate given in chapter 1 verse 28 to “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill theearth.” Thefoundation of whatit means to bewoman is to beonewho can suitably help a man to walk in obedience to the calling that God has placed on his life. And thathelpfulness—thewife’s puttingherselfat thedisposalofherhusband,yieldinghergifts and strengthsuntohis benefit—thatisattheheartofwhatScriptureoftenrefersto as submission,in complementarity—in beautiful, glorious harmony—with the man’s headship. Two image- bearers, equal in status and dignity before God, but with distinct roles. The husband leads, and the wife helps; the husband initiates, and the wife responds in submission to the husband’s leadership.

Andwementioned,whenwestudieditthen, thatattheheartofbiblical leadership istheconcept of responsibility. Not license to lord it over those allotted to your charge, but responsibility.

Leadership is a stewardship to lead in a way that honors God and benefits those under one’s charge. A biblical man takes responsibility, eschews passivity, and provides a general pattern of initiative(Piper, WTD, 31). Well, corresponding to that, abiblicalwoman submissively responds tothepatternof initiativesestablishedbymaturemasculinity(ibid.,49),in awaythat honorsand affirms—rather than usurps or challenges—his leadership.

Now, in a culture dominated by expressive individualism, where the chief virtue is to vent every thought and desire you’ve ever had—where fighting your basest impulses is derided as inauthenticity—submission has been turned into a four-letter word. But Christians should have no problem with the concept of submission. Our entire worldview is grounded upon submission totheLordshipofJesus.We’renotsinglingoutwives,here.Wewanteverybody tosubmit tothe Lordship of Christ! We want everybody to be brought into willing subjection to the will of God! Citizenssubmittothegoverningauthoritiesinthecivilsphere.Churchmemberssubmittoelders in the ecclesiastical sphere. Children obey their parents in the familial sphere. And, so also, according tothe WordofChristforlifeinHischurch, soalsodowives submittotheirhusbands.

There is much to say about woman’s fundamental identity as a helper—much to say about submissionasadefiningmarkofbiblicalwomanhood—somuchsothatI’mgoingtospendthe restof this sermon exploring theBible’s teaching on justthis onepoint. And we’llhaveto move quickly, because we’re going to see no fewer than nine features of biblical submission.

1. ItsDivineDesign

First, let’s consider the divine design of submission. We hit on this when we spoke about male headship,butitbearsrepeating. Thisbeautifulharmonyoftherolesofmaleheadshipandfemale submission was the divine design of our holy, sovereign, and wise God from the beginning of creation. We see that already in Genesis 2:18, which speaks of woman being created to be a helper, before the fall.

But we also hear of it in the categorical statements of the New Testament as well. In Ephesians 5:22–24: “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the headofthewife,asChrist alsoistheheadofthe church, HeHimselfbeing theSaviorof thebody.But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” And in 1 Corinthians 11:3, which speaks even more broadly than the husband-wife relationship, Paulsays, “ButI wantyou to understand that Christ is thehead of every man, and the man is the head of a woman.” A few verses later in 1 Corinthians 11:9, he says, “For indeed man was not

createdforthewoman’ssake,butwomanfortheman’ssake.” Godcreated thewomanfor the man, to be His helper.

Andthisdivinedesignofsubmissionisevident evenintheeventsofthefallof man.The man’s abdication of his headship, and the woman’s unsubmissive usurpation of headship, are what mankind’s first sin consisted in. God addressed the man first and gave him the command not to eat from the tree before Eve was even created—which was one of many indications of man’s headship in the Garden. But Satan, Genesis 3:1, shows up in the Garden, and “he said to the

woman,‘Indeed,has Godsaid…’”“Theserpentwasmorecraftythananybeastofthefield,”and

he put that craftiness on display when he spoke to the woman first, inverting the God-ordained design of headship and submission. Heasks Eve, “Has God said, ‘You [plural] shallnoteatfrom any tree of the garden?” And Eve answers, verse 2, “We may eat.” What’s happened? Satan has madeEvethespokesmanandrepresentativeofthefamily.“Youdecide, Eve!Youleadtheway!” (Ortlund,RBMW,108).Thiswasanimmediate,subtlesubversion ofthevery-goodcreatedorder of God, defined in the loving headship and sweet submission of man and woman in marriage.

Isn’titsomethingthatmankind’sfall intosinitself wasanoccasionof contraveningthedivine design ofheadshipandsubmission? Howfundamentaltotheidentityof manandwomanmust these realities be!

These texts—and the many others we went to when we spoke on manhood—communicate the truth of the complementary roles of male headship and female submission. And because these rolesoriginatedwith thecreationof manandwoman,theydonot havetheirorigin inthefall,as is so often alleged. They are not the result of sin’s corruption of our relationships. No, they are

rootedin God’svery-goodcreationofmanandwoman.Andso,fundamentaltotheidentityof man and woman—from the very beginning of their existence, before their corruption and fall into sin—is that the biblical man is a leader, and the biblical woman is a helper.

1. ItsCursed Difficulty

Secondly, consider not only the divine design of submission, but, number two, the curséd difficulty of submission. Given submission is the design of God for woman from the very moment of her creation—given that it’s fundamental to her identity—it’s fair to ask, “Why is it so difficult for women to embrace that role?” And it is, isn’t it? Just as men struggle to embrace their role of loving, sacrificial headship and either (a) passively neglect responsibility or (b) cruelly assert authority, so also women struggle mightily with the temptation to seize the role of leadership for themselves and exercise authority over men. We see this played out especially in themarriagerelationship.Aspastors,we’reconstantlyexhorting mentostepupandembracethe responsibility of being a leader, and exhorting women to step back and embrace the

responsibilityofyieldingtotheirhusband’sleadership,ratherthanseizingitfor themselves.

Why is that such a common thread in human relationships, when God created us to do just the opposite? Well, it’s because we fell from that state of blessedness in which God originally createdmankind. Infact, Genesis3:17tellsusthat it ispreciselybecauseAdam “listenedto the voice of [his] wife,”—precisely because he abdicated his leadership and submitted to Eve’s leadership—the curse of God comes upon the serpent, the woman, the man, and the creation itself.Andwereadof thecurseof Goduponthewomanin Genesis3:16:“To thewoman[God]

said,‘Iwillgreatly multiplyYourpain inchildbirth, Inpainyouwillbringforthchildren.’”Then notice this phrase: “Your desire will be for your husband, [but] he will rule over you.”

Now,whatdoesthatmean?Well,thesametwowords—t^eshuqah,“desire,”andmashal,“to

rule,”or“tomaster”—appearinthenextchapter,in Genesis4:7, andthecontextofthatpassage makes plain the meaning of these two words when they’re coupled together like they are in Genesis 3:16. In Genesis 4, Cain’s countenance has fallen because God had no regard for his offering, and God responds to Cain’s anger and sadness by urging him to battle temptation.

Middleof verse7: “And if you do notdo well, sin is crouching atthedoor;and its desireis for you[t^eshuqah],butyoumustruleoverit[mashal].” What’sGodsaying? He’ssayingthatsinis like a roaring animal, waiting to strike Cain at the proper time. Sin’s desire is to exert mastery over Cain, to rule him, to reign in his life; and if he passively refuses to withstand it, it will overtake him. But instead of that, the Lord exhorts Cain that he must rule over sin. Cain must exert mastery over sin.

Well, ifweapply thesenseof“desire”and “rule”gleanedin Genesis4:7 totheinterpretationof the same terms back in Genesis 3:16, we find the meaning becomes clear. Part of the curse on Eveis thatawoman’s desirewould beto exertmastery over her husband—to ruleover him the way sin wanted to rule over Cain. But instead of man yielding to woman’s desire, he would withstand it in the same way that Cain was to resist sin’s desire to reign over him. Where God had designed the beauty of headship and submission to sing together in glorious, peaceful harmony,nowthecurseofdissonanceandconflictwouldreignin therelationshipbetween man

andwoman.Onecommentatorwrites,“Godgivesthewomanuptoadesiretohaveherwaywith her husband. Because she usurped his headship in the temptation, God hands her over to the misery of competition with her rightful head” (Ortlund, RBMW, 109).

And so, we may say—without irony or sarcasm—that the feminist movement is Satanic. The philosophy and worldview of second- and third-wave feminism seduces women into eschewing submission and casting off the role of helper, and into seizing authority and asserting their dominance.Feminismconfusesequalrights with identicalroles.Andinthat,feminism isnothing more than the recitation of the Tempter’s deception of the first woman. So, my dear sisters, that inclination that you have wherein it seems almost natural to buck against the loving authority of yourhusband,thatisnot atriflingmatter.Toreject theglorious,beautifulroleof submissionthat God has ordained for you is to follow in the footsteps of Eve in the commission of the sin that plunged the human race into condemnation. And it is to live consistently with and yield to the curse of sin that plagues the entire creation. And so, ladies, if you would live in a godly way—in amanner consistentwith theblessedness of Genesis 1 and 2 rather than consistentwith thecurse of Genesis 3—you will resist sin’s mastery over you, and therefore resist your inclination to usurp headship over your husband.

1. ItsGospel-ShapedMotive

In the third place, consider the Gospel-shaped motive of submission. And for this we turn to Ephesianschapter5,verses22to24. Paulwrites,“Wives,besubjecttoyourownhusbands,asto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

Inthistext, theApostlePaulcallsuponwivestosubmitthemselvestotheirownhusbands “asto the Lord.” Now, that term “as” expresses similarity, not identity. Paul is not teaching that a husband is the lord over his wife in the same way that Christ is Lord over them both. Christ’s

authority isabsolute;ahusband’sisnot.Christisaperfectlysinlessleaderwhoneverneedsto ask forgiveness and who is always worthy of our trust. A husband is not.

Nevertheless, while the term doesn’t communicate identity, it does communicate similarity. A wife ought to be voluntarily yielding to her husband in love in a way that it can be compared to thewayshevoluntarilyyieldsto theLordJesusinlove.Because itisultimatelythecommandof the Triune God for wives to submit to their husbands, a wife’s submission to her husband is her submitting tothe Lord.Conversely, awife’srebellionagainstherhusband’slegitimateauthority is rebellion against the Lord Jesus.

And notice that nothing in the passage makes the command for wifely submission contingent upon the husband’s deserving submission. The text doesn’t say that a wife is to submit to her husband only when he does his part to love his wife like Christ loved the church—not anymore than it says that a husband ought to love his wife as Christ loves the church only when she submits tohim as thechurchdoes toChrist. That,of course,is theideal.Andwhenthathappens, you see the beauty of biblical complementarity: the husband gives his life away to lovingly and sacrificially provide for and protect his wife, and the wife gives her life away in joyful, eager submissiontoherhusband’sleadership.Butweknowthatthestandardforawife’ssubmission is not lessened when her husband fails to love her well, because the Apostle Peter issues this same call, in 1 Peter 3:1–2, for wives to be submissive even to their husbands who are unbelievers.

Andsowivesarecalledtosubmittotheirhusbands evenwhentheydon’tdeserveit.

Why is that? Because loving headship and joyful submission in marriage is designed by God to be a picture of the Gospel—of the covenant-keeping grace of Jesus Christ toward His bride, the church. Paul says the husband pictures Christ and the wife pictures the church. And so when a wifesubmitstoherhusband’sleadership,shedisplaystotheworldwhata joyit isforthechurch of Jesus Christ to submit to the leadership of her Lord. When she follows her husband’s leadershipwiththegentleandquietspiritof arespectfulandsupportivewife, shepreachestothe watching world that Christ is so glorious, so satisfying, that His bride, the church, is happy to follow Him anywhere.

Doyouseehowthis Gospel-shapedmotivesweetens thedutyofsubmissionintoadelight? Isit notajoy for you, ladies, as members of thebrideof Christ, to submit to Christyour bridegroom? Is He not a loving leader? Is He not full of wisdom to lead you into paths of righteousness and blessing? Is He not worthy of the joyful, eager submission of every person in the world? Of courseHeis! And Paulsays, when you submitto your own husband, you display that truth to the world! Oh, fight the temptation to rebelliousness like that! When it’s difficult to follow your husband, when he is proving unworthy of your submission, ask yourself if Jesus is worthy of your submission. Ask yourself if Jesus is worthy of His church’s submission. There you’ll find the gloriously feminine strength to obey.

1. ItsPervasiveExtent

In the fourth place, just briefly, consider the pervasive extent of submission. We see that also in Ephesians 5, and verse 24: “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” This means that all we have talked about concerning submission applies to every area of life. Some have contended that Paul’s call to wifely submission is to beread as extending only to certain wifely duties. Butthe pervasiveness of the phrase “in everything” in Ephesians 5:24 won’t allow for a narrow view of submission. Just as thereisnoaspectofthechurch’slifethatshemayreservefromthe LordshipofChrist, neitheris there any aspect of a wife’s life that she may reserve from her husband’s authority.

1. ItsBiblical Limits

Having said that, though, we must observe, fifthly, the limits of biblical submission. You say, “What are you talking about? You just told me she has to submit in everything!” Yes, but as CharlesHodgeobserved,though this doesnotmean that“thewifeis…subjectas tosomethings, and independent as to others, … [neither] does [it] mean that the authority of the husband is unlimited. It teaches its extent,”Hodgesays, “notits degree. It extends over all departments, but is limited in all,—first, by the nature of the relation; and, secondly, by the higher authority of

God”(Ephesians,Geneva, 230).

Andsointhefirstplace,bycallingawifetosubmittoherhusband“ineverything,”Pauldoes not mean to include those thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors that are sinful. A wife must not

followherhusband’sleadershipintosin(Piper, WTD,52).Thatgoeswithoutsaying.Weseethat same pattern when Paul calls for Christian submission to the government in the civil sphere. In Romans 13, Paul calls “every person…to be in subjection to the governing authorities,” and he includes no qualification. However, if civil authority commands a believer to disobey God, their response must be what Peter and the apostles answered the high priest in Acts 5:29: “We must

obey God rather than men.” Paul himself defied the governing authorities in Acts 16:35–40, whenhedisobeyedthechief magistrates’ordersto leavethe jailinPhilippi.Andso,evenwhere

thereisanunqualifiedcommandforpervasivesubmission, thatdoesnotgiveanyChristian under any form authority the license to follow their authority into sin.

Andso,awifenotonlymay,butmust,refuse tosubmittoherhusband ifheweretodemandthat she do something that God forbids—like engage in deception or dishonesty, or get drunk with him, or watch pornography with him, or engage in any sort of illegal activity (Piper, WTD, 52). Similarly, she must refuse to follow his leadership if he were to forbid her to do something God commands—like read her Bible, or go to church, or evangelize. She will have to say no to that kind of headship, because the authority of Christ over her life supersedes the authority of her husband.

However, it’s worth saying here that even when a wife must obey God rather than her husband, she must still express her inability to follow him in a spirit of submission, rather than in a spirit of rancor and rebellion. You could say, “I’m not doing that! And it’s disgusting that you would askmeto!”Butinsteadofusingtheopportunity todemeanyourhusband’sauthorityandrejoice in your disobedience to him, you ought to speak to him in a way that shows you’re grieved that you have to disobey him because he’s making you choose between submitting to him—which ordinarilyyou lovetodo—andobeyingChrist,whichyoualsolovetodo, andmustdoaboveall else. One writer gave voice to that kind of submissive disobedience like this. A wife could say, “Itgrieves mewhen you ventureinto sinfulactand wantto takemewith you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond

joyfullytoyour lead;butIcan’tfollowyouintosin, asmuchasIlove tohonoryourleadership in our marriage. Christ is my King” (Piper, TMM, 102). That kind of respectful attitude shows the disposition of submission, even where particular acts of submission are not permitted.

In the second place, neither is a wife called to submit herself to being physically or sexually abusedbyherhusband.Ifahusbandissodistorting andpervertingtheauthoritywhichhe’sbeen given to protect his wife into harming and even abusing his wife, so that her physical safety is legitimately in danger, she is under no obligation to just sit there and take it. That is not what biblical submission means. No, in such a case where there is legitimate imminent danger, she needs to callthepolice, notify theelders of her church, and getto aplacewheresheis safe. That may mean that a temporary separation is warranted. It may even mean that divorce is permissible, though that would depend on the details in each case and would need to be worked through under the oversight of her elders. But in no way is she under any biblical warrant to subject herself to physical harm.

And then, a third limit to biblicalsubmission is that Scripture limits awife’s submission to her ownhusband.TheBibledoesnotteachthatallwomenaretosubmitto all men—exceptperhaps in the sense that all Christians are to “be subject to one another in the fear of Christ,” Ephesians 5:21. Instead, Scripture is explicit in calling wives to submit to their own husbands. Ephesians

5:22:“Wives,besubjectto yourownhusbands,astotheLord.” Titus2:5:“…beingsubjectto their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” First Peter 3:1: “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands.” Pastor John put it this way:

“Women asagrouparenotmadeserfsto meningeneral,and menaren’tautomatically elevated to a ruling class over all women” (source).

Having said that, though, that’s notto say that theonly arenafor awoman’s submissiveness is in marriage. Just as there are appropriate ways for a biblical man to express his responsibility to lead and provide for and protect women who are not his wife, so also are there appropriate ways for a biblical woman to express her responsibility to affirm and nurture those expressions of worthy, biblical masculinity. There is a submissiveness that marks a woman’s character in a generalsense, evenbeyondthehusband-wiferelationship.Thoughsheisnottosubmittoallmen in the same sense she would submit to her husband, she ought to have that prevailing disposition of affirming and supporting godly male headship in whatever sphere it is encountered.

And we see that, for example, in 1 Timothy 2:11. In that letter, Paul is instructing the church at EphesushowtheyoughttoconductthemselvesastheLord’schurch—what lifein thehousehold ofGodis tobe like.Andthere,Paulsays,“A woman mustquietlyreceive instructionwithentire submissiveness.” That, again, is not because a woman is essentially inferior to a man; she’s not. Itisnotbecauseshemaynotbegiftedtoteach;manywomenare.It issimplybecause thedesign of God, rooted in His created order, is that there be equal image-bearers functioning in distinct but harmonious roles to the praise of His glory. And here we learn that extends not only to the home but also to the church. The prevailing disposition of a biblical woman is to affirm worthy male headship in ways appropriate to her varying relationships (Piper, WTD, 89).

And so, if a young man’s responsibility to be a provider leads him to pay for his date’s meal or movieticket, orwalkhis friend tohercarafterdarktoensurehersafety, maturefemininity isn’t offendedbythosethings asiftheywere anattackon herindependence.Itgladly,gratefully,and humblyreceivesthosegentlemanly courtesiesasappropriateexpressionsofmasculineprovision and protection.

1. ItsPractical Outworking

In that vein, then, number six, let’s consider the practical outworking of submission. What does submission look like? Well, the term itself—used in all those passages we’ve quoted: Ephesians5,Colossians3,Titus2,1Peter3—istheGreekwordhupotasso.Itliterally meansto place oneself under another. It is the idea of putting yourself at the disposal of someone else— yielding your desires, your will, your abilities and efforts to the service and benefit of another.

It’spreciselywhatwesawitmeanttobeahelper,whichGenesis2:18identifiesas most fundamental to a woman’s identity.

And so, as we said before, the foundation of what it means to be woman is to be one who can suitablyhelpamantowalk inobedienceto thecallingthat Godhasplacedonhislife,byplacing herself at the disposal of her husband’s leadership, yielding her gifts and strengths unto his benefit. Submission is a biblical woman’s response to the pattern of initiatives established by mature masculinity (Piper, WTD, 49) in a way that honors and affirms—rather than usurps or challenges—his leadership. In their excellent book, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, John Piper and Wayne Grudem put it this way. They said, “Submission refers to a wife’s divine calling to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through

according to her gifts” (61). Elsewhere, Piper explains, “A mature woman is glad when a respectful, caring, upright man offers sensitive strength and provides a pattern of appropriate initiatives in their relationship. She does not want to reverse these roles. She is glad when he is notpassive.Shefeelsherselfenhancedandhonored andfreedbyhiscaringstrength andservant- leadership” (WTD, 56).

And so in terms of practical outworking, a submissive wife uses all of her unique gifts and strengthstomakeherhusbandthebestleaderhecan be. Ifmaturemasculinitytakestheinitiative to be the spiritual leader, mature femininity:

• activelysupportstheirfamily’smeaningful(andpunctual)participationintheirlocal church;
• eagerlyparticipatesinfamilydevotions,Biblereading,andprayer together;
• respondsenthusiasticallytoherhusband’ssuggestionsaboutbookstoread orsermonsto listen to together;
• engagesundistractedlyinspiritual conversations;
• invitesherhusband’sspiritualoversightandhumblyreceivesthecorrectionhemight bring;
• happilyencourageshimwithwordsofkindnesswhenheleads,protectsandprovidesfor her well, and when he makes discernible progress in his own sanctification;
• genuinelyseekshisinputonhowtoaddressbehavioralissueswiththechildren,and comes alongside him in implementing God-honoring discipline;
• disciplinesherownheart inthe midstofconflict,sothatifheoutdoesherinshowing honorandseeksforgivenessfirst,herheartiseagerandreadytograntit, aswellasto seek forgiveness for her part;
• deferswithenthusiasmtohis suggestionsfordatenights,familyvacations,orfun weekend activities;
• readilyoffersherprayerfulandthoughtfulinputon anydecisionsthathebringstoher for consideration;
• and,ifafterpatientdiscussionandprayertogether ahusbandandwifedisagreeoverthe direction to take the family—and the choice isn’t between sin and righteousness but which is the wisest of two lawful alternatives—submission means that the wife will

humblyyieldtoherhusband’sleadershipandaffirmhisdecision,knowingthatGodwill hold him accountable for the rightness or wrongness of the decision, but will hold her accountable for submitting to the authority that He has placed over her.

And as an aside, guys: good leaders don’t pull rank like that as a habit. If you’re often calling yourwifetosubmittoyouamidunresolveddisagreement,somethingisamiss,andit’slikely that you’re not leading well. Good leaders lead; they do not drive. I asked Janna this morning if she could remember a time when we had discussed something and couldn’t come to an agreement, and I asked her to follow my leadership even though she wasn’t convinced that the way I was going was best. She said, “Maybe once?” in 15 years. And neither of us could remember what it was about. So, this kind of thing may happen, but it’s not license, men, to run over your wife.

Now, none of that is to say that submission means shutting off your brain and mindlessly agreeing with everything your husband says. Itcan’t mean that, becausein thesamebreath that Peter calls wives to submit to their husbands in 1 Peter 3, he says that they might win their husbandstofaithin the Gospelbytheirchasteandrespectfulbehavior.Asubmissivewifecan’t mindlesslyagreewithherunbelievinghusbandin everything.So,submissiondoesn’tmeanthat a woman ceases to have her own thoughts and opinions. It means that she will employ those

thoughts and opinions in the service of her husband’s leadership. It doesn’t mean that you acquiesce to every word your husband says. That wouldn’t serve him well, and you are given to himtohelphim.Itsimply meansthatyou placeyour giftsandtalentsathisdisposalto makehim the best leader that he can be, and to follow him in the decisions that he makes and the direction that he takes for your family.

That’salsonot tosaythatawifecan’tappeal toher husbandtochangehismindaboutadecision she’s uneasy about. She can. But the way she expresses her concern ought to communicate that, though she doesn’t agree, she nevertheless endorses his leadership and affirms his role as her head. For example, if he wants to invest a sizeable portion of the family’s savings in a particular venture that she doesn’t feel comfortable with, she can say, “Nope! You’re not doing it! We’re equal partners in this marriage, that is my money too, and I’m not going to let you bankrupt this

familywithyourfoolishness!”Or,shecansay,“Hey,Iknowyou’vethoughtalotabout this, and I’m so thankful that you’re taking the initiative to plan for our future and care for us financially, and I know we’ve talked a lot about it too. But I still can’t shake this feeling of

uneasiness,andI’dreallyliketotalkaboutit againbefore wemoveforward.Couldwesetaside some time to do that?” Do you see how different those are? The one belittles, demeans, and usurps headship. The other encourages, edifies, and honors headship.

1. Its Respectful Posture

And that leads me to a seventh feature: namely, the respectful posture of submission. Back in Ephesians 5, at the end of that great passage on marriage, Paul brings the most extended New Testament instruction on the marriage relationship to a climax in verse 33. He says, “Each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself,and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” When he summarizesall that he’s been teaching in this marvelous paragraph, the conclusionhewants ringinginChristians’ears is:Husbands,loveyour wife as yourself; and wives, respect your husbands. Similarly, in Peter’s instructions on this in 1 Peter 3, he urges wives to submission even to unbelieving husbands, in the hopes that their graciousbehaviorwouldwintheirdisobedienthusbandstothetruth. Listen tohowhesaysit:“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

I mean this is really an astounding passage. Peter says that a biblical wife will win over her disobedient, unbelieving husband not by confronting him, not by arguing with him, not by nagging him or badgering him or needling him, but by respecting him—by being a living monumenttothetruthyouprofesstobelieve;bydemonstrating inactionsthatthegraceofChrist is powerful to subdue sin, because it’s empowered you to actually mortify that self-righteous, unmerciful, speck-picking spirit that constantly finds fault. And to put on in its place a life of encouraging words that build up instead of tear down, kind service that never returns evil forevil, and an attitude and demeanor of respect. One of the greatest gifts a wife can give her husband is the sure and certain confidence that he has her respect—to know that she trusts him, and that he makes her feel safe as he leads their family.

Yousay,“Butwhatifhedoesn’tlead myfamily? HowcanIbesubmissiveandresponsivetomy husband’s leadership if he doesn’t lead?” Well, that certainly is a trial. And men, don’t any of you in this room give your wife a reason to make this objection. But ladies, the way to help a man embrace his role as leader is not to usurp his leadership by complaining and being contentious. You don’t communicate that you desire to follow him by haranguing him to be a better leader. In that case, you would be “leading” him—and doing a bad job of it at that,because nagging and haranguing is not good leadership. Your pleas for godlier leadership haveto sound like, “I want you,” not, “I can’t stand you until you change!” You say, “Honey, it is a delight for me to follow your leadership. The great longing of my heart is to follow you as you follow Christ. I really desire to place my own giftedness at your disposal in order to maximize divine blessing in our lives. And one area specifically where I would love to see us make progress is…” fill in the blank. That communicates, “I want you! We’re on the same team! I’min your corner! I’m ready to follow where you lead!”

1. Its Beautiful Attitude

And the eighth feature of biblical submission is closely related to that. I think I’m going to makeitits ownpoint inournextsermon,sohereI’ll onlymentionit.Butthatis,number eight: thebeautifulattitudeof submission.Andwhatis that?Wefinditinthenextverses of 1 Peter

3,verses3and4:“Youradornmentmustnotbemerelyexternal—braiding thehair, andwearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” A submissive woman is not abrasive or loud. She is gentle and quiet. Her character, attitude, demeanor, and speech are marked by the inward, imperishable beauty of gentleness and quietness. More to come on that next week.

1. Its Beautifying Purpose

But finally, we’ll consider the beautifying purpose of submission. And we see that in Titus chapter 2 and verse 5, where Paul instructs the older women to teach the younger women to be “subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” The Word of Godissoshotthroughwiththetruthsofmaleheadshipandfemalesubmission—thosetruthsare so integral to the very design of God in His creative purposes—that for a professing Christian woman, someonewho claims to trustin and obey the Word of God, not to besubjectto her own husband, would be to bring dishonor upon the Word that she professes to believe in.

When any Christian proclaims at the top of her lungs that the grace of Christ is powerful to transformlives,butthendoesnotherselflive that transformedlife,what’sthatgivecausefor the unbeliever to say? “Some sanctifying Word you’ve got there! You say the Bible is true and authoritativeand lovely and powerful. Why don’tyou do whatitsays? You talk abig game, but whenitcomesdowntoit, theBiblesaysyou’resupposedtosubmityourself toyourhusband,be chaste and respectful, be gentle and quiet, and you run roughshod over him more than I do my husband!” You see, that’s a dishonor that your behavior brings upon the Word of God.

Buton theother hand, just afew verses later, as Paul urges Christian slaves to besubjectto their masters, he appends this purpose clause to his exhortations, Titus 2:10: “…so that they willadorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect.” What he expresses negatively in verse 5—that the Word not be dishonored—he expresses positively in verse 10: that the doctrine of God will be adorned. Kosméo, from which we get the term cosmetics. It means to beautify. Paul is saying that when a woman devotes herself to cultivating a disposition of free, glad, willing submissiveness,ratherthandishonoringtheWordof Godandmakingitlooklessgloriousthanit actually is, she adorns the doctrine of God. She beautifies it! She makes it look as glorious as it actually is!

Mydearsisters,whichonedoyouwant tobemarkedby? Isn’titglorioustothink that there’s something we can do to make the precious Word of God and the doctrine it teaches look beautifulintheeyesofbelieversandunbelieversalike?Indeedit isglorious.Letthatthought,

along with all we’ve spoken about today, strengthen your resolve to live your life in that distinctivelyfeminineway,ofcultivating thebeautifuldispositionofgladsubmissiveness.

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